Recently I’ve heard several news commentators describe the folks who caused the current financial melt-down on Wall Street as VAMPIRES.

How insulting! Even the most blood-sucking vampire among us has a lot more scruples than some of those Wall Street robber barons! (And certain politicians, I might add!) You insult all of us vampires when you compare us to THEM! Pull-ease!

In the spirit of the public good, I’m offering my services: send those Wall Street types (and politicians) over to Castle Bachula for a weekend of, um, “tenderizing” and I’ll show them the meaning of “blood-sucking”!!

In the nicest possible way, of course. I’m famous for my, um, “hospitality”.

Meanwhile, have a nice night!

I watched the U.S. Presidential debates last night, and I must say I was very disappointed, very disappointed indeed. For all their talk about foreign policy, neither Barack Obama nor John McCain mentioned Transylvania even once!! I, for one, am tiring of the United States and indeed the entire world ignoring us vampires so completely.

(Of course I suppose that it doesn’t help that they keep sending ambassadors and those ambassadors keep disappearing.)

And both John McCain and Barach Obama are doing all they can to woo women voters, white blue-collar voters, black voters, etc. etc. etc., but what are they doing to woo the vampire voter? Nothing! Nada! Not a darn thing! How can both Republicans and Democrats simply pretend that we don’t exist? Don’t they want our votes? Don’t they care about the concerns of us vampires?

For example, I happen to know that many of my fellow-vampires who un-live in the United States are very concerned about Social Security. What will happen when the Social Security system goes broke three or four hundred years from now? They’ll still be relying on those Social Security checks every month to make their crypt payments!

And other retired vampires rely on food stamps to make the blood-bank withdrawals they so desperately need—do Americans really want these retired vampires to “go back to work”?

It’s taken quite a bit of doing, but we finally have Internet at Castle Bachula. Satellite was our only option, but that works. The real challenge was electric power. Count Bachula will only use the Internet at night for some reason, so I’ve had to special order lunar panels instead of solar panels—since lunar panels will work at night. (Except on new moons, but what can you do!)

I must confess it’s pretty strange to surf the Web by candle and torch-light. On a lunar-powered internet connection, no less.

Now to introduce the Count to the World Wide Web!

Count Bachula’s Castle is quite amazing! Here’s the living room:

Count Bachulas Living Room

Count Bachula's Living Room

Here’s the Count’s master bedroom (that bed doesn’t look very comfortable to me! But to each their own…

Count Bachulas Master Bedroom

Count Bachula's Master Bedroom

And here’s the Count’s den with entertainment center:

Count Bachulas Den with Entertainment Center

Count Bachula's Den with Entertainment Center

And here’s the Count’s Bach-Mobile:

Count Bachulas Bach-Mobile

Count Bachula's "Bach-Mobile"

We have finally arrived at Castle Bachula—at midnight, no less. That last 20 mile stretch riding in a horse-drawn carriage was like traveling back in time! And there sure are a lot of wolves around here—we heard them howling the whole way! Maybe the full moon has something to do with that. Hope the recording equipment is OK.

The castle is really rather spectacular:

Castle Bachula

Castle Bachula

Left Munich at 8:35 p.m. on 1st May, arriving at Vienna early next morning; should have arrived at 6:46, but train was an hour late.

I was hired by Count Bachula to record his organ playing onto CD. He said something about his Edison Cylinders of his playing wearing out—that doesn’t make any sense at all! Edison Cylinders were obsolete about 100 years ago!

I tried to talk the Count into coming to the U.S. where it would be so much easier, but he couldn’t be persuaded. Something about Clipper Ships being too uncomfortable. (???) Instead, he did offer me a sufficiently large check which made it worth my while to travel to Castle Bachula. He said I’d only need a one way ticket—sorry, but a round-trip ticket up front was simply non-negotiable!

What an odd fellow! Or maybe like the typical musician—up all night, sleeps all day. And he’s sent me some rough recordings of his music. All of it sounds eerily familiar, but I just can’t quite place it.

Meanwhile, my trip to Castle Bachula has gone smoothly so far! His assistant E. Gore has joined me and that helps a lot. I asked him if he was related to Al Gore—he said he wasn’t sure, but didn’t think so.